So let’s go dancing in the minefields
Let’s go sailing in the storms
Oh let’s go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh let’s go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
~andrew peterson
So much of who we are is in our photographs. It’s a lesson I learn over and over again. Sometimes it makes me want to do a happy dance and sometimes not. This past weekend I met with Ray Ketcham also known as “the other me” in Twitter circles and he went through all my images from 2010. All of them. Every frame. All the out of focus, poorly composed mistakes as well as the few keepers. If you are going to do this with someone, make sure it’s someone you trust who has your best interests at heart. Lately a lot of people are talking about giving critiques and to be honest, I don’t think most of them are really qualified to give the kind of advice and guidance someone like me really needs. That’s probably got you wondering what Ray saw, isn’t it?
Well it wasn’t pretty but in my opinion, it was very accurate. I’ve done a good job hiding what’s been happening in my world for the past few months and now it’s time to come clean. When my organization decided to restructure, I was on the losing end of the proposition. My position was eliminated which is really a just nice way to say I lost my job. It has thrown my world into what feels like chaos. Yes I still have a job today but it’s not one I would have chosen for myself. All of this has shaken my confidence in who I am and even my self-worth. And it has affected my photography. That’s the part I hate the most.
That positively giddy girl who declared to the world she was going to make big, fat, juicy mistakes has become uncertain. There’ve been fewer frames, less exploration of ideas, and a tentativeness in what I’m doing. My images reflect an unwillingness to risk, to go sailing in the storms as it were. This fear is holding me back from pushing into new territory and expressing myself creatively no matter what. I need to recapture the thrill of the process of making images and to give myself permission to make crappy photographs because they’re a must. They are a path to uncovering what’s inside of me that’s dying to be shown to the outside.
Now that I’m aware of what’s happened, I am putting a plan in place to regain my confidence and it begins with a change in attitude. I’m going to go dancing in the minefields. I know I’ll be okay because I have my other me.
Dance and know I will be waiting for your images and words. Always, from a distance but watching you and supporting you. Hugs!
I feel your support Monte, in so many ways. I promise to keep photographing and writing as long as you’re here.
I have a friend who keeps saying “This too shall pass” over and over again when in “less than ideal” circumstances. I’ve adopted that
These situations look different in hindsight of course. But both photographywise and otherwise.
I love that expression, Eli and you’re right about hindsight. I’m looking forward to that perspective real soon! Thanks for the encouragement.
I have a feeling you won’t need mine-sniffers with Ray around. In fact, I may be joining you in some of those mine-fields, more the merrier I guess. Good luck, we look forward to hearing more about your progress.
Can you please update my link in your blogroll also. Thanks.
I’d love to go dancing with you, Ed…see you in the fields
Oh and thanks for the new link!
Having just come back from Toledo OH, it’s a tremendous gift that you have a job of any kind.
I’ve had that happen in my life as well, but, looking back, I would have never gotten to where I’m sitting now if that hadn’t happened. I understand all the feelings – and they’re powerful emotions – that surround such an event. I have no doubt that you’ll emerge stronger and even more aligned to the path that you’re meant to be on.
I’m here for you if you need me.
Mark
Thanks Mark!
Good for you! When you reveal things about yourself – it draws us in closer. And lucky you to have the ‘other’ There is a phrase that goes
“Work like you don’t need money,
Love like you’ve never been hurt,
And dance like no one’s watching.”
A cliche but sometimes appropriate
maureen
I am very lucky Maureen but also because I have friends like you. It might be a cliche but I still like it
One of the hardest things in life is to look forward. I’m not talking about the future, I’m talking about what’s right in front of us at any given time. We become too dependant on the promises of the future and too hung up on the failures from the past. Your vision can be clouded over, your voice hoarse at times, but in the end they make you stronger. To borrow a line from Kitchen Table Wisdom, by Dr. Rachel Remen: “If you’re walking on thin ice, you might as well dance”.
I only wish my faith in your work and words was enough to help.
Travis
Thank you Travis. I shared your words today with some colleagues at work who have gone through this experience with me and they resonated with them too. There’s a lot to be said for dancing no matter where you are!
Gaining insight to what drives how you think and feel is a massive achievement – well done for having the courage to examine yourself. This is clearly a big breakthrough for you and I can sense from what you are saying your life and photography will be stronger now as a result. I know for myself that when I’m not feeling good about me or life that photography is the last thing on my mind but I also know that being a photographer allows me to take the ultimate control to create whatever I want – just for me – which in turn nurtures my confidence back again. Looking forward to hearing more about your journey this year.
I’m getting excited too! I think I just needed to acknowledge what was happening, give it a label as it were and now I can get on with just creating new images. It does feel like I’ve turned a corner so thanks for hanging in with me.
Great birthday resolution, Sabrina. And I must say, you have a great friend in Ray to help and support you like this!
I do Beate, everyone should have a Ray!
Good on you, girl! And the other you
Hey you…thanks for all the encouragement aka nagging. I’m working on our little project as we speak!
Your circumstances may have shaken your self confidence but it has certainly not shaken those of us who follow your journey.
You have an integrity and honesty about the way you lead your life and this is what I see translated in your images. We ALL have crisis of confidence & we all do our best to hide it. That you share this shows your inner strength- a strength I suspect that many of us would wish to emulate.
It is only when we are tested that we find the inner us. With Ray’s help it sounds like the photographer within you has already dealt with the issue and is moving on
2011 is your year. I know we will continue to look in wonder at your images, thank our lucky stars for your friendship and secretly wish a little of us could be more like you.
As they say In ltaly, “in bocca al lupo” or Americanized “go get’em girl”
Thanks Marco. I hope we can meet up again this year. I could do with some more of your special brand of encouragement
I think everyone’s said it already, but sharing the downs as well as the ups is a brave and worthwhile thing. Sorry to hear about the tough times, but I’m sure this new year will bring it all back up again for you.
I think I could do with a Ray. Where do you find one?
LOL Cathy…I’m not sure where to find one in Sydney but I believe there’s mentor for anyone who’s willing to do the hard work and to listen and learn. Feel free to connect with Ray via Twitter. I’m sure he’d love to chat with you.
I’m little more than a name on Twitter to you, so perhaps my good wishes will seem hollow, but like all the others who have posted here, I admire your energy and spirit and the hard work you do sharing your journey with us.
I had always thought that my photography could be a separate part of my life: there’s work, there’s photography, there’s family, there’s whatever else. But I found out this year, as you did, that I can’t make photographs–well, I can’t enjoy photography and produce results I’m proud of–if there is something wrong in one of those other areas. I’m still recovering from our dog’s months-long decline to death and all the emotional energy we poured into caring for her and trying to face her loss after living with her for over 10 years.
I’m glad you have another job, and I’m glad that you have gotten far enough that you can write about it. I hope your recovery will be swift but I am sure that you will come out of it a stronger person and an even better photographer.
I appreciate every comment and all encouragement that comes my way and your company on the journey is a very important part of my learning. We also lost a beloved member of our animal family a year and a half ago so I can appreciate the void you feel and those feelings will be a part of how we express ourselves whether in words or images. To deny that would be to deny an important part of who we are. Thanks Tommy!
“..dancing through minefields, …dancing on thin ice,” ..such vivid imagery.
If I were an artist, I think I would paint a whimsical version of you, Sabrina, ..dancing, despite circumstances. I think I’ll carry those words with me this year as a reminder to choose how I respond to circumstances around me. Thanks!
It’s shocking how much of our value we allow to be tied up in Job Titles, salaries and labels; and often we’re unaware that it’s happened until something changes. I’ve noticed that my view of “how things are going in my life” affects my desire to make photographs.
I believe things happen for a reason and along with the others, I am extremely excited to see where this year takes you, Sabrina. Thanks for your transparency and for taking us along on the ride!