what is success: maureen murphy

My definition of success is about family, friends, learning, contributing to the lives of others. Although this included expressing myself, it never included being an “artist”–that was for people with talent, not me. When I retired I threw myself into photography. It started with a course at our local photography school SPAO and led to joining a local club where the best part was hanging out in the bar after meetings and talking shop. Out of that club, a splinter group dedicated to improving our craft was formed (Dante Was here). Members in the group critique each other’s work, hold exhibits and learn from each other. Exhibit – yikes! How could I ever be in an exhibit? The rest of the group had the talent; I was along for the ride. When I joined they had already been in one show together and here we were about to have another. “What should I do?” Stuart Sipahigil expressed this self doubt really eloquently in his blog post a few days ago.

We picked a common theme: “New Realities” open to a broad interpretation. When I thought about my new reality, I played around with the idea of “Aging” but it sounded a bit like a cliché. Then I really looked inside. I live under a cloud of my father’s dementia and mother’s Alzheimer’s. The fear of Alzheimer’s is always present. My mother was 65 when diagnosed and I don’t have far to go to reach that age. So I decided to ‘open my kimono’ and interpret that fear as my project. It was for me not for anyone else. I cried a lot especially when I was writing the words that overlay my photographs–a very cathartic experience.

I sold three prints. The photographs were not technically perfect but were intensely personal. It seems that the more personal you get, the more universal the emotions.

Since that first show last year, Dante has had several exhibits. The most recent theme we picked was “Intersections”. Out of the blue an interpretation came to me: Gender Intersections. But how to do this? The answer was to photograph drag queens but where could I find them? I didn’t know any so I went to the bar where they were having a show and introduced myself. I was somewhat nervous about going in on my own but I was very keen. Well it was fine once I got over my initial fear and I now have some new friends who are very willing to be photographed. After all, what drag queens do is perform!

Coincidently, the theme for Ottawa’s 2010 photography festival – Festival X is In/Out: Contemporary Photography and the Politics of Difference. So drag queens–how appropriate is that! There was a call for submissions from the Ottawa School of Art so with nothing to lose I submitted a group of images not used in the Intersections show. Less than a week later, I received a call that I was in AND they wanted to use my images as publicity. Yippee! Does that mean that I can call myself an artist? Maybe.

So what is success? To me, the most important thing is to make images that express my emotions. It is also important to have those images seen by others–even better if they mean something or strike a chord with someone.

I have learned much over the past year and a half:

• Everyone has self doubt; mine is no different.
• Take risks by putting myself out there–submit photos to juries, approach galleries. Some will (and did) reject my work but others accepted.
• After the first time, I learned that it is not so difficult to approach strangers, start a conversation and maybe photograph them. They might say no but mostly they say yes.
• The more personal the image, the more it resonates with others. My fears are common ones.
• Having projects is a fun way to photograph. It helps me make photographs not just react to something and keeps me focussed. It also results in a body of work on a single theme.

Thanks Sabrina for the opportunity to tell my story. I love your blog and the discussions/ideas expressed here.

Maureen Murphy
http://www.maureenmurphy.ca/